I have wrestled with my call to share Jesus with people. From a young age I felt this call, and from that same young age I felt the 'weight' of this call. It can still at times feel heavy, even as a cross is heavy. The truth is, however, this 'me' - the evangelist me - is the truest me. That's just the way it is. Insofar as I deviate from this, or try to 'be' something other as my primary identity, I feel false - because I am false.
So now, after much struggle and resistance, I have decided to live and breathe my 'citizenship' as a believer (Phil 3:20), and do the rest of life, so to speak, on the side. So, I will apply myself to all that I do (work, family, community, etc. - cf. Eccl 9:10a), but never as a substitute for, or a token for, my love of God and commitment to the gospel. (Mt 22:36-40; Mk 8:35; Romans 10:14-15,17) The other night I was pondering the struggle that it is to both carry this 'identity', and to actually hold it clear in one's sight day in, day out. As I was wrestling, I overheard an interview on TV with a well-known presenter of a POP TV show. Turns out, this guy, like me, is the son of a preacher man, and he remembers fondly the church environment and community, when his father would be preaching... I wondered when I heard this interview, if this guy does his 'faith self' on the side of life, or if he does life on the side of his 'faith self'. Before God I will not judge this guy. I truly don't know. But I did feel a pang of relief at how God has dragged me - the truest me, the evangelist me - to the fore of my 'self' and my life journey. There were many years in my life when this was not the case. I can hand on heart say that I now prefer the struggle and the mess that comes with being true to my calling and 'name' (Rev 2:17), than the ease and the 'hollow' that came with a firmer earthly footing, a stronger alliance with the world. (Jn 3:8; Lk 12:8-9).
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AuthorPeter Walker. Archives
March 2022
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